forgive me twitter but i'm about to Sincere Tweet (TM) for a few minutes on the whole "self-care/emotional labor/form messages for your close friends" phenomenon that for some reason seems to be reaching a fever pitch right now, and i find deeply upsetting
there is lots of data for this, but even anecdotally i think it's obvious to us that our most pervasive social issue in america is atomization, loneliness, lack of community, lack of meaningful connection, etc. staggering numbers of adults (esp men) cite having *no* friends
there is an excellent book by johann hari, lost connections, that explores this in-depth. and one of the phenomena he explores is how some cultures, when asked what they would do to make themselves happier, immediately think of doing something for someone *else*
he also explores how limited our definition of "home" is in america -- how for most of us, it literally means our house and the people in it. maybe a few more if we're lucky. but for many communities, *home* is your entire community -- your neighbors part of your family in effect
for many americans, loneliness and isolation are the most pressing social issues. and framing our mental health and social relationship discourse so firmly on the "self" i think only serves to reinforce that, if even just unconsciously. it's us first, and everyone else second.
there are a lot of reasons for this (self-preservation, the natural atomization of capitalism, the skepticism of group identity, etc), but ultimately humans are meant to be part of communities, are meant to see themselves as a small part of a greater fabric of human life
and i think this "woke" reclaiming of the hyper-individualist discourse (going so far as to create form letters for friends in crisis) only further legitimizes the ultimately destructive view of society as an assembly of individual units, rather than as a collective fabric
sometimes the self should not be the priority. sometimes your needs should come after that of a friend in crisis, or theirs after yours. sometimes relationships do not fit into a perfect timeline. sometimes the collective supersedes the individual. and that is healthy
