Thread by @PsychScientists

I Burned Out: A Thread

I haven’t been on Twitter for about a month. Taking it off my phone has been part of me unplugging and beginning my recovery from burning out. I wanted to chat about it, though, because a) being open has been good for me and b) good for others.

Burnout is what happens when you are stressed and you don’t stop. It can sneak up on you, but damned if it doesn’t hit like a ton of bricks when it arrives. I’d been in the zone for most of this year, but it all landed about a month ago

The kind of stress that burns you out is the stress you can’t or don’t deal with. Brexit, Trump and the general state of the world is all in the former category and have been eating me for years. I had to abandon Twitter for a bit because of these

The stress I didn’t deal with was from work. Fellow UK academics know what it’s like these days - lots of admin, endless monitoring and measurement exercises, and no real autonomy over our time and scholarly activity

I’ve been banging my head against the various symptoms and instances of that world for a few years now, but weirdly what really ramped it up was getting promoted to Reader. Not because I saw more, but I felt I should be pushing back more. So I did

That background plus a couple of specific things and some bad luck getting them resolved in good time meant I got into a stress response and never made it all the way through, for several months.

I got less and less able to do things, less and less good at the things I did, and more and more frayed/volatile/easily thrown. Work and family life (sorry kids - you’ve been awesome though ❤️). Then, it all just went ‘boom’ and I was done.

Weirdly, it happened when the particular stressor was dealt with - after that (actually mostly useful) meeting I went home and realised ‘nope, I’m out’

I took a week, self-certifying as unfit for work. At the end of that week, I went to the GP and got certified for a further two weeks. Three weeks out in the middle of a semester - this is not something I’d ordinarily even think of doing (part of the problem, of course)

Those weeks were useful. I slept, a lot. I watched TV for a few days straight. But then I also went outside, went for walks, even a run or two. I read a book, played with my new camera, and hung out more with my kids. I am definitely better; not fixed, but better

So first thing I want I say: burnout is real, it sucks, and when you get that far you really don’t have any choice but to check out and unplug for a while.

I also did a lot of thinking, trying to get a few things clear in my head once I wasn’t in the thick of the stress. The book ‘Burnout’ by @emilynagoski & her sister Amelia has been excellent; luckily Emily had just come to visit 😆

Things I’ve learned and am practicing believing:

1. Stressors and the stress response are two different things, they require different solutions and often solving the former doesn’t help the latter. Fix the latter

2. I’m not the problem. It’s easy to think so - I’m always present when the stressors are playing out, the toxic environment lies, gaslights in self-defence, etc. But I’m not the problem.

This one is hard to believe all the time; you need sanity checks from friends. Get some

3. This is going to be my life for a while. I made it 2 1/2 easy days back before being exhausted again. And those were good days!!

The most useful thing I picked up was the idea of burnout actually being better thought of as a moral injury. I didn’t fail, I’ve been harmed. This explains the idea

Again, it’s tough to believe it’s not all me - but I’m trying to be honest and not self serving and I’m just pretty sure the framing is true

Anyway. I’m ok and I’m going to get better. I’ve had support from friends and family and work has been good about me taking the time I’ve needed.

Keep an eye on yourself and your colleagues. Read about what burnout looks like and what to do (penguin.co.uk/books/111/1116…). And talk out loud about the stress you are feeling before it gets too bad. I am happy to listen 🙂

/end for now