Thread by @atatimelikethis

Here's my pitch.

Vote for me and

1. I'll deliver chaos for 10 years, minimum
2. This will cost everyone £2000 or the entire budget of the Armed Forces and Ministry of Transport.
3. Every year.
4. You'll do this for sovereignty and independence.
5. Except I and you have not

understood the realities of global trade. So the result will be less sovereignty, less independence and less money.
6. I will claim to be able to improve my trade position, by leaving on bad terms with the world's largest trade bloc
7. I'll tell you I can sign my own better deals

but neglect to mention I already have or will have deals covering 80% of global trade.
8. Which is fine because conveniently you'll never ask me which countries will give me better deals.
9. I'll use objections to immigrants and fear of Muslims to make you want border control but

10. at the last minute I'll eliminate almost all border checks because I can't find a solution to a part of the country I had forgotten existed until now.
11. But that's fine because I'll tell you that solves a backstop problem that only existed due to my lack of upfront planning

12. That change alone will be the last promise I remove from the pile of promises I made when I first offered this plan.
13. But I have added so many other things you didn't consent to that at this point I could claim sex with your partner was democratically viable.
14. And that

you're a traitor for daring to claim that he, she or NB* was not the will of the people.
15. Through this whole process I'll undermine relationships built up for decades, not just with out allies but with investors we promised we would never do this to.
16. just for fun ill spin

an effort to make my military alliance stronger by building more specialised sovereign forces into a super state army just over the water.
17. Most of the press will tell you that's great since they're all owned by offshore tax exiles.
18. And it just so happens that when I leave

the only law I won't move with my Henry VIII powers into British Law is the one dealing with Tax Evasion and Avoidance. Not that any of you Patriots will notice
19. Even though that will add a further £25B to the bill in lost Treasury receipts.
20. Those same newspapers won't

write a single bad thing about my idea in 3 years, since any problem I run into will be the fault of my opponents or my allies and neighbours.
21. Most critically, despite crying out loud about trivial train lines these papers will stay silent on the true cost of my plans.

22. And support the idea that they don't need to be costed even when they bear no resemblance to where I began.
23. By the time I'm done with this project, you'll be so sick of it that you'll be ready to throw grandma under the bus on which I made my promises to make it go away

24. Which is a convenient metaphor for what I plan next with workers rights, the environment, your NHS.
25. You'll find yourself cheering as I hold a Coup, organise lies to the Queen, even set parliament against the people when I had used that method to approve my project 6 times

before.
26. I'll threaten mob rule, I'll ignore election results, i will intimidate opponents to support my ideology in direct contravention of the terrorism act.
27. Which luckily the same privilege of Parliament which I earlier abused, will ensure i'm protected, unlike you.

28. And just as I get to phase 1. And you seem to wake up. I'll tell you it's almost done, you've almost won.

For it seems

I can say

Or do

Anything

And you'll cheer me on

To deliver a thing that you can't describe but looks nothing like thing I told you you'd get.

So. That's my pitch.

Good eh?

Let's #GetBrexitDone

*i didn't have to, so please forgive me but non binary really winds them up. Like queer still does, and black.