If Donald Trump tweeted that he runs a four-minute mile, Sarah Sanders would be like:
“The President happens to be one of the world’s elite distance runners. Unlike his predecessor, he doesn’t use his athleticism to showboat, which is why you never see him run.”
“The President happens to be one of the world’s elite distance runners. Unlike his predecessor, he doesn’t use his athleticism to showboat, which is why you never see him run.”
If Donald Trump tweeted that he painted the Sistine Chapel, Sarah Sanders would be like:
“The President invented time travel, went back to 1508, made his masterpiece, returned to the present, then destroyed the time machine after deciding it was a threat to the American people.”
“The President invented time travel, went back to 1508, made his masterpiece, returned to the present, then destroyed the time machine after deciding it was a threat to the American people.”
If Donald Trump tweeted that he had the superpower to fly, Sarah Sanders would be like:
“The President can flap his arms at such a rate that it allows him to achieve lift off and soar through the sky. He only uses Air Force One due to safety precautions.”
“The President can flap his arms at such a rate that it allows him to achieve lift off and soar through the sky. He only uses Air Force One due to safety precautions.”
If Donald Trump tweeted that he was Patton in a previous life, Sarah Sanders would be like:
“The President was General Patton for 60 years before he died in late 1945 and was reincarnated in 1946. His time as Old Blood and Guts explains his unparalleled love for our flag.”
“The President was General Patton for 60 years before he died in late 1945 and was reincarnated in 1946. His time as Old Blood and Guts explains his unparalleled love for our flag.”
If Donald Trump tweeted that he was behind the Thai Cave Rescue, Sarah Sanders would be like:
“The President is a humble man and didn’t want to brag about this, but it’s true. He came up with the plan for the Thai Cave Rescue. Even Elon Musk wasn’t as quick to offer a solution.”
“The President is a humble man and didn’t want to brag about this, but it’s true. He came up with the plan for the Thai Cave Rescue. Even Elon Musk wasn’t as quick to offer a solution.”
If Donald Trump tweeted that he was the world’s greatest lover, Sarah Sanders would be like:
“The President’s sexual prowess has been a White House secret, but now the cat is out of the bag. The First Lady disappeared for 20 days because she was recovering after 427 orgasms.”
“The President’s sexual prowess has been a White House secret, but now the cat is out of the bag. The First Lady disappeared for 20 days because she was recovering after 427 orgasms.”
If Donald Trump tweeted that he has the biggest hands ever, Sarah Sanders would be like:
“The President recently invited Shaquille O’Neal to visit the Oval Office to discuss their shared passion for law enforcement. When they compared hands, Shaq’s were considerably smaller.”
“The President recently invited Shaquille O’Neal to visit the Oval Office to discuss their shared passion for law enforcement. When they compared hands, Shaq’s were considerably smaller.”
If Donald Trump tweeted that he founded Apple, Sarah Sanders would be like:
“During a routine visit to California for real estate business in the 1970s, the President convinced the two Steves to drop out of college and build his idea in a garage.”
“During a routine visit to California for real estate business in the 1970s, the President convinced the two Steves to drop out of college and build his idea in a garage.”
If Donald Trump tweeted that he was the greatest writer since Shakespeare, Sarah Sanders would be like:
“The President, um, worked extensively as a ghost writer for, um, both J.K. Rowling and Stephen King, which is why both, um, authors hate him so much.”
“The President, um, worked extensively as a ghost writer for, um, both J.K. Rowling and Stephen King, which is why both, um, authors hate him so much.”
If Donald Trump tweeted that he had a bodybuilder physique, Sarah Sanders would be like:
“The President has a better body than even Arnold Schwarzenegger, but he’s so modest he wears baggy suits to conceal his bulging muscles. He also got better ratings on The Apprentice.”
“The President has a better body than even Arnold Schwarzenegger, but he’s so modest he wears baggy suits to conceal his bulging muscles. He also got better ratings on The Apprentice.”
