, 14 tweets, 2 min read Read on Twitter
Trump announces deal to reopen government.

Reading from the TelePrompTer in the Rose Garden.

Details forthcoming... (thread)
Th bloviating f***wit opens with nonsensical lies about people coming up to him telling him to press ahead.

He hasn’t left the White House.

Those voices were in his head.
Trump rolls over and agrees to a three-week continuing resolution.

Drops the entirety of his demand for a “downpayment” on the wall.

Ann Coulter is rage with the fire of a thousand suns.

It will be glorious.
Trump alleging he expects to be presented with a separate “border security package” for him to sign “shortly”.

Spoiler: there won’t be a damn wall. Pelosi pushed Humpty Trumpty off the only wall he’ll ever sit on.
Dumdum McStupid now extolling the virtues of walls. The guy is a one-trick pony whose performance appeals only to the Illuminati’s diametric opposite: the ignorati.

Seriously, he’s rambling about glorious walls throughout history.

I am losing knowledge watching this.
Babyfingers now alleging the focus will be on building walls at significant points along the border.

We have those.

Trump is demanding we do the thing we already did.

He repels information like water off a buffoonish orange duck.
Now, the Commander in Chimp is revisiting the cockamamie talking point about smugglers in Mad Max vehicles “making a left or making a right” and going around checkpoints.

The man thinks Beyond Thunderdome was a documentary.
Impotus now rolling through his bigoted, delusional ‘greatest shits’ lifted straight from an Ann Coulter fever dream.

Duct taped women. Gangs wilding in the dusty frontier. Drug mules (who he likely believes are actual mules in the ‘her-haw’ sense).

I hate this racist f***.
The punchline here is that Trump just got rolled by Nancy Pelosi like a two-bit chump.

He blew off his own desiccated raisin bag and came away six weeks later with absolutely nothing to show for it.

Nancy stomped on his grapes.
Trump is indefatigably prattling through the dusty old lines of his now exhausted immigration rhetoric.

It has zero bite.

The lines are tired and trite.

The bloviating manatee is gumming his way through fearmongering that has lost its novelty.
If there is a merciful god, this speech will be brought to a merciful end.

It is such a snoozefest.

That’s the problem with hyperbole. It loses its ability to shock.

Trump looks and sounds impotent.

A weak man steamrolled by his own failures with Nancy driving in a hardhat.
Commander Babyfingers wraps it up by issuing a tepid threat to shut down the government again in three weeks if he doesn’t get wall funding.

Spoiler: he won’t and no he won’t.

Repubs aren’t going back down this dumdum’s rabbithole.
Speech over. Entire sections of my brain have now gone dark. Neurons not firing. Knowledge lost. Logical thought diminished. I feel concussed.

Now let’s grab the popcorn and watch the Coultersphere.

The response will be scathing.

This was a total surrender.

Trump folded.
p.s. forgive typos. there’s only so much proofing you can do while feverishly pecking out tweets in real-time on a phone.
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