Thread by @TaniaAMarshall

1. #Narcissism Thread: What is the quickest way to tell if someone is a #narcissist? 🚩Raise a concern with them. Hands down this works Every. Single. Time. #Narcissists are unable to manage conflict. By conflict, I mean be cooperative & problem solve concerns or disagreements

2. I mean being held accountable or addressing a concern with the genuine interest in resolving it. Resolving issues are important to healthy relationships, #trust boundaries & safety. When issues remain unresolved between #Psychology #abused

3. Couples, family members, groups, organisations, it leads to #resentment, #anger & #contempt. This is why: Say you raise an issue with your partner that’s of a concern to you. Your partner disagrees 🚩 & it doesn’t seem like she is listening to you. 🚩You keep trying to express

4. Your Concern & you try to express it a different way, then you are met with “oh that’s ridiculous”! 🚩You are now left feeling unHerd & insulted. So, you try again, hoping that she will listen to you, instead of saying your concern is ‘ridiculous’. You rephrase your concern

5. try again, to get her to #listen to you. Instead of listening, they might laugh at you 🚩, get offended 🚩or say “how dare you?” 🚩You now sit there being unheard & now not only is your concern not heard but you are “ridiculous”, they have insulted you & they are offended?

6. Meanwhile, your concern wasn’t listened to or addressed, let alone resolved. You try one last time to get your partner to listen & now they get angry. 🚩🚩🚩They start almost spitting at you 🚩their words cannot come out of their mouth fast enough.🚩#anger

7. They are speaking so fast you can barely keep up w/what they are saying 🚩They have become unhinged or #incoherent 🚩This is an example of #toxic relational communication pattern 🚩You are in dangerous territory You weren’t listened you, you were ridiculed #narcissisticabuse

8. you were #insulted and the issue is unresolved.
You also had #anger directed at you. 🚩So now there is an unresolved issue between you two that goes into the ‘unresolved bucket’ You let it go because the lack of listening, yelling or talking over you is too much #abusesurvivor

9. You think maybe they had a bad day, they are a good person, &/or you’ll try another day. Some time later, you raise it again & they say “you don’t know what you’re talking about”, 🚩”don’t you know how hard I work?” 🚩All of this is irrelevant. #excuses

10. The #narcissist in incapable of listening, responding appropriately, #cooperating with you, speaking ‘with’ you rather than ‘at’ you, taking turns in communication speaking respectfully, listening and understanding your concerns, your feelings, your thoughts. This is painful

11. They are not #listening to you. They are not committed to working ‘with’ you. Again, this ‘unresolved issue’ goes into the bucket. Some of the common #language you will hear from a #narcissist when you raise a concern include: “Don’t be

12. #ridiculous”, “you are too #emotional”, “why are you so #hysterical?”, “don’t you know who I am?!”, “Look what you made me do”, “How dare you say that?”, “I’m going to tell on you”, “that’s #ridiculous”, “you’re ridiculous”, “do you know how #crazy you sound?” #Gaslighting

13. “No, that didn’t happen”, you’re being hysterical”, “I think you’re #overreacting”, it wasn’t that bad”, “I don’t know what you’re talking about”,“no, that’s not a concern”, “I can’t believe you would be concerned about that”, this is a waste of my time“. #denial #excuses

14. “I’ve got more important things to do”.”This is a terrible imposition on my time”, “I’m the one doing all the work here”, “who told you you could do that?”, “I’m not wasting my precious time or money on this”, “I have a right to know about this (confidential) information”

15. “I have better things to do than listen to this”,
“I’m #furious at your suggestion”, “I’m not going to waste my time on this”, “I’m wasting so much of my time addressing this”, “I know what your concerns are & they are #outrageous”, “you’re wasting my time” #narcissisticabuse

16. “No, you are #bullying me with your concerns”, “no, I just cannot accept this!”, “this is such an imposition on me, my time”, “I’m not going to listen to you”, “your concerns are relevant”, “I’m doing a lot of work here & you are in my way”, “you have clearly wasted my time”

17. “We’re not wasting our time on this”, “this is an extraordinary imposition of my time”, “this is an extraordinary imposition that I have to waste my time here with addressing your so called ‘safeguarding’ concerns”, “let’s talk about something else” #narcissism

18. “my time is extraordinarily valuable”, “don’t you see I don’t have time for this?!”, “you can’t be serious”, “oh this is just becoming a joke now”, “this is extraordinary of you to come to me with this concern!”, “This is just nothing” #crazymaking

19. you are exaggerating & making it up” #youarenotcrazy Have you heard these comments before? Do they put words in your mouth? Are they under the guise of ‘helping’ running a non-profit? the head of some organisation? A partner? a business partner?

20. Sooner or later, they will Turn on you Again they seem to be listening but they are not. If you ask them to repeat back what your concern is, this is also a good trick. They find this difficult too. 1. Do they listen to you?

21. 2. Do they insert themselves into business that isn’t theres? 3. Are they controlling? Do they have all their fingers in the pies? 5. Are they arrogant? 6. Do they talk over you? 7. Do they talk ‘at’ you rather than ‘with’ you? 8. Can you get a word in? #socialcommunication

22. 9. Do they talk ‘over’ you? 10. Do they verbally ‘vomit’ all over you?” 11. Do they listen to you? 12. Do they talk with you? 13. Do they keep changing their ‘story’? 14. Do they get angry? Are they volatile? 15. Are you being used by them?

23. Do you feel you are walking on #eggshells around them? 17. Are you left feeling confused/abused after an interaction with them? So they appreciate you volunteering for them? Do they respect you or just make demands from you? #arrogance #entitlement

24. 18. So they have boundaries? 19. Are they respectful? 20. So they talk to you or about you to others? 21. Do they speak rapidly? 22. Are they easily angered? 22. Are they coherent? 23. How do they treat 24. Do they go into tirades? #abuse #selfregulation

25. 26. Do they ask #permission first? Do they take advantage of you? Do they say sorry (only to manipulate you)? Do they #gossip about you on line rather than contact you directly to problem resolve? Did they even bother find out who is concerned? why? #narcissism #empathy