Thread by @monkeycomics

nkvssp.smackjeeves.com/comics/2654826…

Due to #overuse (read, #trying to be what i #usedtobe, and #computing every day)

I must stop the majority of my right arm usage for a week. Maybe 2.

#OnWithTheShow!

#NKVSSP #webcomics #webcomicchat #comicbookhour #Disability #kitteh #puppy #lefty #ouch

I've been a bit #reluctant to talk about #issues

My #health is up & down, and I'm used to it.
I get around, or I lay down (laying down while typing right now)
&now that my forearm is burnin, I'll be doing this a little less as previously stated.

fine enough, but lets talk bout-

-internalized disabili-phobia. (gimmee a break,& gimmee the word if it exists)

it kinda works like internalized homophobia really. I pulled inside all of the shit I've heard for years. all of the hate, all of the "there's no place for you, so go and die already". all inside-

-my head.

I fear "looking too well" because I need the help that I get. And i've been afraid of "random encounter human" because I've heard stories of people going off on us because we don't look like what people have expected.

How that plays out internally: "am I really-

-having this problem?" "Oh god, what if they're all right, and i'm just a lazy good for nothing?" "Is my chest really developing a hole, or is the surgeon right and i'm hysterical?"

Happily, the pain settles in, my chest burns, my arms burn, & reality says, nope, you're here!

- I don't talk about this much though, because I really don't want to be excluded.

people look at me, and go, no, you don't want to come with us, you'll get hurt.
welll....yes, if i hiked with you at your pace, that'd be fecking awful, but riding in a car and chatting i can do.-

-I can draw and write as well. and when i can't use my hands, i can think and record things with the microphone in my phone.
I create. even when i can't polish it up right away. it's still there.

and yet, i feel it creeping in... "You require down time that others dont-

- That makes you replaceable!"
The horrible...funny thing of this is.
That #voice is in every one of us.

You won't feel it cut your soul,until you become like me.
until that accident. Until that unforeseen genetic mutation. Until the poison you didn't know was there, gets you-

-and you then cease to be "normal".
You need help.
You need helpers.
You need time.
You need space.
and the world says...no. None of that for you, go die now.

Some of the world. Not all of it.
I have assistance, because of the wonderous Boulder County system.
and my friends. -

I'm chatty tonight, because 20 years ago I decided to step out of a #closet, only to put myself back in, until now.
One more closet I gotta pop out of! EYOOOOOOO! ^,^

I do require time and extra maint for my #health, and I gotta be #compassionate & give myself breaks.
-

-And I am worthy of this help.
You are worthy of the help too.

Your life, makes someone else's brighter.
That is #worthy.

I wish you the best.
and I'll work to talk more openly in the mean time. For all our visibility's sakes.

Take care out there! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜