it kinda works like internalized homophobia really. I pulled inside all of the shit I've heard for years. all of the hate, all of the "there's no place for you, so go and die already". all inside-
I fear "looking too well" because I need the help that I get. And i've been afraid of "random encounter human" because I've heard stories of people going off on us because we don't look like what people have expected.
How that plays out internally: "am I really-
Happily, the pain settles in, my chest burns, my arms burn, & reality says, nope, you're here!
people look at me, and go, no, you don't want to come with us, you'll get hurt.
welll....yes, if i hiked with you at your pace, that'd be fecking awful, but riding in a car and chatting i can do.-
I create. even when i can't polish it up right away. it's still there.
and yet, i feel it creeping in... "You require down time that others dont-
The horrible...funny thing of this is.
That #voice is in every one of us.
You won't feel it cut your soul,until you become like me.
until that accident. Until that unforeseen genetic mutation. Until the poison you didn't know was there, gets you-
You need help.
You need helpers.
You need time.
You need space.
and the world says...no. None of that for you, go die now.
Some of the world. Not all of it.
I have assistance, because of the wonderous Boulder County system.
and my friends. -
You are worthy of the help too.
Your life, makes someone else's brighter.
That is #worthy.
I wish you the best.
and I'll work to talk more openly in the mean time. For all our visibility's sakes.
Take care out there! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜