Thread by @TaniaAMarshall

The Toxic #Narcissist Cycle of Abuse: 5 Stages Thread
Stage 1:
Love Bombing & Lying:
Your #abuser lies to you from the start, convincing them-self/selves & YOU that you are liked, included, adored, loved & respected. Your #boundaries are respected & you are overly welcomed

In this phase, you will put on their ‘glasses’, be overmedicated on their empty promises, #future faking, deception & lies 👉🏻 all leading to fake #hopeism. They make you wear their glasses whereby you ‘view’ them as from #heaven & ‘saving you’, being ‘right’ or on the right side

You will #believe what they are selling you as they are now your ‘real family’, your #soulmate your ‘twin flame’,
your ‘neurokin’, your ‘transautlet’ your ‘otherkin’ (insert any propaganda) #family You become the centre of their life/group, organisation initially 🚩You find

yourself trusting & #obsessing with/over them. You have met your ‘saviour’. You are in the #Euphoric stage & positively reinforced. You blindingly #trust them. Much fuss & attention is made over you. You are #high on endorphins, oxytocin & excitement #addiction & acceptance 🚩

You believe unquestionably that they are right & you can’t believe that they love you so much. You have never quite felt this way before & you love feeling this high. You naturally never want it to end. You meet others who think & feel the same & it is #intoxicating #craving 🚩

Stage 2:
The ‘Abuse’:
You are then #bullied by these same people It is usually subtle at first, in gentle & increasing increments of #abuse You accept this as you are already #hooked in After all, it was probably a mistake, they didn’t mean it, they won’t do it again or it was a

misunderstanding. The #loveBombing continues & so does the #abuse, leading to a #toxic cycle of peace, eggshells & tension, more abuse & conflict, amendments, peace, eggshells 🌀 This leads to you being treated in more abusive ways. You are #confused. How can love & abuse you? 🚩

This doesn’t make #sense to you. But you are now stuck…with him, her, them, the group. You accepted the abuse at first, because you can’t believe they could do this, yet say they love you. It doesn’t make sense. They MUST #love me 🚩

I must be the #crazy one. You now begin to question
the #narcissist once in a while. After a lengthy while, you stop caring about what is happening & you start thinking about what they are going to do to you next? YOU are NOW asking questions & seeking answers #50%there #getout

You try endlessly to #communicate your #feelings & #thoughts & are dismissed gaslit, denied or told your #reality is false. They may ignore you, ghost you, find a good enough way to convince you that you are wrong, it’s not abuse & you need to be #happy…or else they will harm U

You desperately seek to fix it, even though it’s not your fault & you didn’t do anything wrong You may have raised #safeguarding concerns, questioned abuse, called out behaviours, wanted to open up discussion, questioned their narrative (bad move) They want you to #shutup or else

Stage 3:
The Exclusion or #Threat of Exclusion Phase:
Your #abuser may become tired of their #lies (they may not even believe them themselves). You are making angry because you are taking off the glasses 🤓 they gave you You are seeing their ‘true’ selves. You ‘know’ it’s not ok.

You start ‘seeing’ their lies, their malice & their ‘glee’ in hurting you. They become bored because it is getting harder for them to #manipulate & #Gaslight So they turn 🆙 the volume. But, you are Starting to wake up to lies & #manipulation You are upset & rightly so #GETMAD 🚩

You confront your abuser. Ensure #safety Stage 4:
The #Abuser Is Hurt Stage: You raise a concern & you are met with “don’t you know how hard I work?”, “how dare you?”, “look at what I’ve done”
You are now in #CHAOS It is a revolving door of #toxicabuse You don’t know how to get

Out. When you question or confront their #abuse or their narrative, they get #ANGRY They usually speak rapidly, nonsensically, sometimes vulgarly, coming from entitlement & #narcissism #psychopathy #psychology

at you questioning their abuse or your concern(s). They are not interested in co-operation. Or Resolution, only competition & #control of you. They are desperate for control & will #smear #gossip you to other individuals, groups, organisations, family members. They are #drunk 🚩

on control, #revenge & #power. They come from a “How dare you question me”? Worldview. They are triggered by your question/concern, because it calls them out & they ‘see’ you as their ‘property’ to use. They will not address their abuse of you. They will turn it back onto you 🚩

saying they are “concerned” about you, deflect, shift the blame, turn into the ‘victim’, manipulate, react badly, #tantrum &/or have #meltdowns 99% have anger issues. It’s like trying to mail Jelly/Jello to the wall. You can’t. It is impossible to get them to stay on topic #jelly

be accountable, address the issue of their #behaviors let alone #apologise If they do apologise, it is not done in good #faith not serious & it is used as a means to shut you up. The issue is then still not resolved. The cycle of abuse continues & unresolved issues pile up #mess

causing resentment. The ‘I Am Hurt #Victim response (from your abuser) to you confronting them about their #abuse is ever more confusing, because they should be addressing the issue & cooperating with you That it why you are #confused You don’t know what hit you verbally #crazy

physically psychologically and/or
emotionally because #healthy people, when confronted, deal with the issue in a #cooperative manner They will NOT talk over you. Healthy people give you the opportunity to speak, they listen to you, they show you they understand & are respectful

& they take them & you seriously. You will
NOT feel confusion. They apologise & make amends as necessary. They take you seriously. They show empathy, NOT #anger They apologise to you seriously. They never do it again This is a healthy person, group, organisation They acknowledge

problems & talk ‘with’ you, NOT talk AT you They are as determined as you are to work it out #healthy If you wonder why a relationship is so challenging, you need to ask, “Is this healthy?”. Stage 5: Getting Out & Staying Out
This is where you grow up, learn #redflags 🚩 what

#Abuse is, #boundaries are & how to say “f*ck you” or “NO” to your #narcissist(s) You stop caring about them & start caring about your ‘SELF’ You realise they literally can’t change & you care more about your ‘SELF’. You learn to tell them what is going to happen You get support

therapy to break #trauma bond(s), learn to #love yourself, how healthy humans act, think & behave, walk away from ALL #abusers in your life You never let another one in & you teach your children about abusers narcissists psychopaths & you have broken the cycle! Congratulations!✨