Thread by @dotMudge

“Hearings about technical issues are usually much less vicious...”

Keyword: *usually*

A lesser publicized time that I testified to Congress (House and Senate Joint Judiciary Oversight Committee) there was a Senator there by the name of Storm Thurmond...

(Thread)

https://twitter.com/billstewart415/status/1154110139127009280

Might do the thread later. It gets a bit ‘blue’.

There are more important things going on.

To give you a sense of Senator Thurmond’s viewpoints ideologies: he was pro-segregation and he opposed the Civil Rights Act.

He was a US Senator from 1954 till 2003.

I awaited my turn to be called to provide testimony. I was opposed to the requested FBI budget increase.

Uh oh

Now, I disagree with aspects of the Justice/FBI. I also recognize their role in (US) society and that they have a very challenging job.

My opposition to this particular budget request was that it suggested the solution to cyber security at large was to hire more field agents.

The person testifying before me was Michael Vatis of the FBI.

Michael and I often saw things differently, but we also agreed upon the significance of a lot of infrastructure risks.

I expected Senator Strom Thurmond to support Vatis and attack me (and my long “hippie-like” hair)

The Senator jumped on Vatis.

Demeaning, berating, vitriolic, and generally rude and nasty.

How bad can a 90+ year old Senator be?

Remember that this one still holds the record for the longest filibuster ever (24hrs and 18min), *opposing* the Civil a rights Act.

I was next up

The aides who brought me in had been making small talk with me earlier.

When I realized Strom would be questioning me, I asked them to tell me a bit about Senator Thurmond.

I wasn’t expecting the story I got...

(I’ll pick back up here tomorrow)

Strom would keep unwrapped hard candies in the pocket of his suit pants.

He would give them to the aids/interns every day. Particularly the “cute young women”.

It was ritual. It had been going on for decades.

I was curious why the aids strongly emphasized *unwrapped*...

The staffers told me more about the clockwork.

Every day, upon arrival, the Senator would grab the newspaper and head to the bathroom for his ‘morning constitutional’. Emerging some time later.

Women staffers became scarce prior to his emergence to avoid the “hard candy man”.

Inevitably, after emerging, Strom would bump into some poor young woman aide or intern, stop her, reach into his pocket, fumble around, and then produce some unwrapped hard candy and say “her you pretty thing, have some candy.”

Which the support staff felt obliged to take.

And eat

It gets worse...

The staffers told me that this very day a most disturbing event transpired.

It may explain why the Senator was in such a foul mood. It definitely explained the agitated nature of the staffers.

(Feel free to stop reading this thread *now* if you haven’t already)

That day the Senator had emerged from his morning constitutional and was furious.

He had had enough. He was yelling.

“We have to get some better G-d d-mn toilet paper in the bathroom!

Every damn time I wipe, my finger goes right through this cheap toilet paper!”

40 years...

“So forgive us, Mudge, if we’re a little preoccupied and don’t seem to be focused on you right now”, the staffer said.

“We’ve just learned this news about the man who has been fumbling around in his pockets handing us unwrapped hard candy for the past 40 years.”

My imminent demise was not their biggest concern at the moment.

They were busy retroactively processing every memory they had of Senator Thurmond emerging from the bathroom in the morning and handing them unwrapped hard candies from his pants pocket.

I don’t blame them.

You think the people providing testimony have it rough?

Be glad you aren’t a staffer to certain Senators.

Fin