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Carson King, the young man whose beer plea sign at the Iowa-ISU game led to over $1 million dollars in donations for the U of Iowa Children's Hospital, is under fire for making a racist tweet at age 16 in 2011. I am seething with anger.
First, I would like to deeply apologize for my role in promoting donations for this irredeemable beer drinking sack of racist filth's fundraising for cancer-stricken children. If my tweet somehow encouraged you to Venmo money for this disgusting cause, I will try to atone.
Had I known that this garbage person, at age 16, had engaged in offensive tweeting, I assure you I would have instead encouraged you to hunt him down and make him suffer for it every day for the rest of his pathetic life.
For what, in the end, is the temporary discomfort of a ward of pediatric leukemia patients against the permanent suffering of those who might accidentally stumble across the 2011 tweets of a teenage philanthropic racist monster from Iowa with 47 followers?
But nothing I can say in this thread can undo my thoughtless neglect in not reading all of his tweets before promoting his so-called "charity" for hospitalized imps. This calls for direct action.
First, I would like to organize a boycott of the University of Iowa Children's Hospital, which shockingly has yet to cut its ties to this horrifying sub-human.
If one of your kids has a seizure from brain cancer, tell the ambulance driver, in no uncertain terms, that you will not allow your child to be treated at UIHC or any other pediatric cancer facility with known ties to former teenage twitter trolls.
Over the next month and/or years, I will do what I can to atone for my role in this sordid mess. I will light candles. Volunteer at Twitter offended victim shelters. Stare into the sun while wearing a hairshirt. I will literally do anything you suggest to earn your forgiveness.
I should have known better than to refer to this scumbag as a "hero." The real young hero here is eagle-eyed Des Moines Register cub reporter Aaron Calvin, who unearthed the tweets, armed with nothing more than enormous amounts of courage and time on his hands.
We must also laud the editorial staff of the Des Moines Register, who deserve a special Pulitzer for instantly recognizing the importance of this horrifying scandal. Firemen to fire, indeed.
And last, but not least, we must salute the marketing department of Anheuser-Busch, who against all odds mustered the incredible courage to gnaw off their own limbs and desperately flee from what might have been a sticky corporate PR situation.
I only pray that A-B will now issue commemorative cans of Busch Light emblazoned with the face of Aaron Calvin, the intrepid DMR journalist who almost singlehandedly saved Iowa cancer kids from a $1 million donation funneled through a sicko who made offensive tweets at 16.
The question remains, what to do with the $1 million? The answer is obvious. Redirect it from UICH to the University of Iowa School of Journalism, so that future generations of Iowans can continue to benefit from our selfless guardians in the press. Excelsior!
