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Thread by @monkeycomics: "I got to explain and to my pysch today These are terms I just learned (over the last few months myself) that descr […]" #GayPanic #uselessLesbian #dazzles #malfunction

17 tweets, 13 min read
I got to explain #GayPanic and #UselessLesbian to my pysch today 😂

These are terms I just learned (over the last few months myself) that described succinctly, what the heck is going on with my brain.

To unpack these terms, I'm going to start you with Sappho.
-
-
“Sweet mother, I cannot weave –
slender Aphrodite has overcome me
with longing for a girl.” –Sappho

To everyone, we've almost all been in this feeling. (i cannot speak for Ace)
Someone we see or meet, and their presence just #dazzles us into #malfunction (however brief)

-
- it's a pretty common #human #feeling. (again, cannot speak for Ace, and that's ok, y'all are lovely :) )

now here's where #GayPanic sets in... we feel the feels...omg. wow.
and our brains go into... IS THIS DANGER????

I'm sorry to say, our panic does start there.
-
- we (the users of the term, wherever you are in the spectrum)

we #instinctually first consider, will #loving someone bring us #violence?
actually, back that train up.
Will #havingacrush bring us violence?

Are #feelings #safe?

we joke to take the edge off (see Tumblr)
-
- but we cant take away that first instinct

#fact, when i was just coming out to mum, a young lady was dragged aside by 3 men, they held her down, cut her arms, carved RIP DYKE into her stomach & amidst her sobbing & asking why, they said to her, "at least we're not raping you"-
- To this day, i wonder about her... where is she now? Is she ok?

and to this day, I hear that story, and the others i've heard since.
SO....
yes, the #panic is real.

if I like someone and they know, what will happen?
What do we do about this?

We watch for signs.
#subtext.

-
- we also get to our friends and say, do you know them? are they safe?
all kinds of methods.

WHICH, brings me to the second term, #UselessLesbian. (i dont know the other terms, I am a lesbian, so this is the one I was given :) )
(ps, i wanna hear your terms :) tell me)

-
- #UselessLesbian, is a term that describes... well, that lovely in between place of...
I am having #gaypanic
I don't know what to do.
I can't assume anything or i'll be unsafe.
so... I guess they're being friendly with me?
(even if you're straight up making out)
-
-for those wondering, I read that story, and i'm glad her current GF persisted with her words, and explaining that it was ok, and yes she was after a relationship.

I don't much care for the term Useless, as we're damned handy to have around,
but it's a quick/easy phrase that
-
- encapsulates this feeling of.... is it ok to #feel?
is it alright to #love?
I don't know.
so maybe if i freeze in my panic, it will sort itself out.

That has to be one of the sadder things i've ever written just now.
(and yeah, i do it too. not immune)

so, #whattodo?
-
- FIRST: for everyone, not just the L in the #quiltbag (love that one!)
get clear on who you are.

I am Trish. I bring this to #relationships. (make an actual list)

Get clear on what you will not accept. make another list.

and those are hard #boundaries.
PS this takes #time

-
-
Next, if you think someone is #flirting but you are unsure.... #ask.
point blank.
if they recoil in "omg ha ha no, ew gross....."

move along.
they're not ready for you even if they were one of us.

otherwise, should you spot someone, and you need to do #safety #research
-
- definitely, do the #research. (#friends will #help you on this)

If they're #safe enough to #approach, and you're ready to do so (clear about who you are)
start the #conversation.

Hey, I noticed you.
(i gotta write me a script here... did i mention i'm not #immune?) 🤣

-
- in a weird way, it's like some crazy tv operative mission ^,^
but, #itgetsbetter. I have seen it.

in the mean time, shining a light on the terms #GayPanic and #uselessLesbian, to share, what they are.
If u see it in u, you can deal with it.
#mentalhealthmatters #queerhealth
Adding in here that someone just brought it to my attention that the Tumblr use of #GayPanic, is different than the historical use.

Apparently it was used to justify violence against queer people in a court of law.

welp...
my thread holds.
do your safety checks my sweeties.
unroll thread please @ThreadReaderApp
and thank you kindly :)
About the story of the woman who was brutalized, In my head I knew that was a news story my mum brought up, when she asked me not to come out, for fear of my safety... I forgot to put that in the tweet tho...

#comingout #mentalhealthmatters
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